Why I Never Said Hi

[Yuliya]

Why I Never Said Hi

Dear someone
Whom I know won’t care
Because of what I did
I know you’ll probably forget
But you’re the person
I choose
So please
Spare me your time
And listen
For just a moment
This is why
I never said hi
I know you did
Everyday
But there always has to be someone
That someone who won’t
That someone was me
Because life isn’t as simple
As I had hoped

Some would say
It started when I moved
Kind of
But that isn’t really it
If you know what I mean
Yes, without it
It wouldn’t have happened
But it wasn’t directly
The reason

I spent time on the ocean
The beach more specifically
Every day
Because I moved
At least I liked the ocean
I hated everything else

You may not have noticed
But at school
My accent was teased
And my ways
The fact I lived in a wagon
And thought horse spit was clean
I’m a gypsy girl
A diddakoi
That’s just how I am
You didn’t
But you always said hi
I said nothing

My wagon
Painted green and gold
Is right on the beach
At least it was
I went out every day
Before school
And every evening
Until I went to bed
I thought I was seeing things
But I was seeing people
People in the water
Not even
Grandpa believed
But Dika
And Ferko
Understood
I think I would die
Without dogs and horses

Yes, I saw people
You probably don’t
Understand
Either
One of them
Came to shore
One night
I felt frozen
But entranced
Like a water world dream
Like I fainted of happiness
Like a confusing miracle
“I finally found you.”
He whispered
Straight into my ear
My eyes widened
“I’m a gypsy girl,”
I said, taking backward steps
Then I turned around
And ran
No
Nobody loves the diddakoi
No one loves the outsider
It just doesn’t happen
But my heart pulled me back
To the ocean
The ocean where he stood standing
The one meant to hold me
The one who already had me

Evening was fading fast
And I couldn’t see the way
All I saw was the ocean
Where I could see
A faint silhouette
I gave in
In the dark night
You could barely tell I was different
My dark tanned skin barely visible
My gold earrings hiding
Behind my long black wavy hair
But my black eyes shone brightly
When I heard the shouts
The shouts of men
From this world
This world
That gives only the hard
Bleak
Truth
And hides what’s really real
I saw them
And him
I saw fire
And smoke
I heard screams
Un human screams
Screams of him
And I felt blood in my mouth
His blood?
“STOP!”
I screamed
But they wouldn’t
Then I saw
They were boys from school
The same ones that followed me home
And tried to catch
My wagon on fire
The same ones
That tried to strangle Dika
And stab Ferko
The same ones
That harassed me
And now
Were they killing
My biggest sense of joy
The one only minutes old?
I ran
Back
To where
I had run away from
I screamed
At the circle of boys
Standing around their victims
I charged into their circle
And held him tight
His head in my lap
A worbling
Was in my head
They tried to grab me
I pulled back
But three grabbed me
At once
I bit one
And kicked another
But the last one
I strangled
Until his breath was gone
Then they fled
I looked at my hands
And then at him
The one I had killed for
“Please remember me,”
I whispered,
“For what you once thought of me.”

And now
That’s why
I never said anything
I hope you’ll hold me
Somewhere

I’m going now
To find what I lost
I’m going to the ocean
Never to return

[Nariel]

So sad.... But very good. I like it.