Chapter One: I awoke to the gentle sunlight streaming through my white, lacy curtains. Thank goodness it was Saturday! I glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, which read 10:32 AM. Crap! My band mates were gonna be here in less than an hour! I jumped from my bed, and rushed to my dresser, pulling out a white tank top and royal blue shorts, throwing them on impossibly fast. As I grabbed my hair brush, my mother called for me “Raine!” Ugh! Always, when I'm in a rush! She calls for me when I'm in a rush! “Hang on!” I yelled back.
She called again, anger coloring her tone this time. “Hang! On!” I hollered back, just as angry. I stomped out of my room after I had put on my converse. “What is so urgent?” Her face was angry, “You're father.” was all she said. “What about him couldn't wait?” I asked, frustrated now. “He's coming to get you tomorrow even though I told him I wanted you at home.” My mother was a lovable woman but when it came to Dad, she was insufferable. “When?” I asked impatiently. “At eleven.” she answered shortly.
“Fine.” I walked past her and into the garage to ready for my band's arrival. We were awesome. I was the lead singer and back up on a few songs. My best friend Kath (which is short for Kathleen) was our phenomenal drummer. We had her ex (one of many), Drew, on bass. He's nice but he has a negative one on the personality scale. And then on rhythm guitar, we have my best gay buddy Toni. He's great, real sweet guy, and because he's gay my mom actually lets him stay the night sometimes. Ha!
I began to haul equipment into place, which took effort. I had managed to work up a sweat after putting amps and drums in place. When I heard, “Ello, lovie.” it was Toni and his crappy British accent. “Hello British homo.” I replied. He scowled, crossing his defined arms. “Oh, come on, you know I'm kidding.”
There are plenty of times when I wish Toni was straight, or at least bi. He was a babe. He had long blond hair to his shoulder, always tied in a pony-tail at the nape of his neck. His eyes were an entrancing hazel and he had a to die for smile. But alas, he played for the opposite team.
“Yeah, I know.” he said, giving me a one armed hug, setting his guitar case down. “Oh, hey can I stay the night to night?” he asked as he pulled away. “I don't know. I'll go ask.” I said, even though I knew my father was coming to get me. And he was a devout Christan, so he was completely against my friendship with Toni. I glided up the three steps back into the kitchen. “Mom?” I called into the house. “What?” Her voice was irritated. “Can Toni stay the night?” I just heard an mm-hmm from the master bedroom.
Turning back around, I gave a single nod to Toni, just as Kath was showing up. “Hey Kath.” we greeted simultaneously. She smiled in response. Kath is shy and quiet. It would be a shock that she has had so many boyfriends if she wasn't so pretty. She had short curly blond hair, sky blue eyes and the most gorgeous smile. Put that all together and you've got the girl Barbie wishes she was.
“We're waiting on Drew.” I announced glancing at my watch. Drew was the one who was exactly five minutes late. I mean exactly. If rehearsal was at 12:30 he would be here at 12:35 on the dot. Those five minutes passed in slow silence. And finally Drew arrived after what seemed like a decade. “Now we can get started!” Toni cried . He was always very enthusiastic about band practice.
“First things first,” I said pulling my clipboard out of the desk we kept in the garage. “band name. We need a name before we can even think about a gig.” All three of them nodded in agreement. We bantered back and forth for almost twenty minutes before coming to a decision. “Southbound!” Toni exclaimed, clapping once for emphasis. I gave him a curious look, as did Drew and Kathleen. “Why Southbound?” He rolled his eyes as if it was obvious. “That's our title song. The one we always sing!” Duh! Why hadn't I thought of that?! “Southbound it is!” I agreed.
We took our places with our instruments, Toni on my right with his guitar, Drew on my left with his bass and Kath behind her drums.”1,2,1,2,3,4.
Back, Back, Backup, Backup
You know today is not the day to be
near me
I'm goin down and out
I'm goin down and out
I'm goin down and out
I'm goin down and out
You know yesterday I needed you
But you were with her
I smiled and lied told you I'd be fine
be fine
But now I'm goin...on yes I'm goin
I'm goin Southbound without you here
Yesterday is all in tears
You left me there without a prayer
behind a broken smile
You are my heart
You are my soul
You are my everything
You know yesterday I needed you by my side
But you were with your friends
I smiled and lied, told you I'd be fine
be fine
But now...But now
I'm goin down and you
without you here
Back, Back, Backup, Backup
Everyday is the day to be near me...
The music stopped and all was silent for a moment. Then quiet little Kath busted out with an “OHMYGAWD! That was awesome!” The rest of us laughed in agreement. “It's like having a name gave us magical playing powers.” Toni smiled. I just shook my head in pure wonder. We were awesome before but that was phenomenal playing right there!
“You guys wanna run it again?” I asked, getting the nods I expected to get. So we did. We played Southbound six more times before I had to stop singing. “Guys,” I coughed, “my voice needs a break.” They just laughed. I hopped up the three steps again into my house and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Before I trotted back down the three little concrete steps I heard Toni say, “So, guess who's back.” I stopped and listened carefully before moving again, waiting for a reply. Who's back? “Who?” Drew asked, seemingly uninterested. “Spencer Chapmen.” My heart stopped. “What?” My voice came out hoarse and dry.
Toni just had a look on his face that screamed oops. Spencer was back? My Spencer was back and I wasn't the first one to know?! I went from frozen to angry in a split second. “Why didn't anyone tell me!?” My voice sounded shrill and from the way my friends winced, it obviously was. I was seething, my fist were clenched tightly and I was about to punch a hole in the wall.
Toni stood up, “It's supposed to be a surprise. He wanted to make sure you didn't find out until later.” Instantly my mood was lightened. “Oh.” was all I could manage along with a blush for being so foolish. Spencer and I had been close, close friends. I'm almost sure he and I would have dated if he hadn't had to move. He had moved all the to Broken Arrow, Oklahoma from here, Spring Hill, Tennessee. It was tragic to have to say good bye, so I never did. He had sent me a very angry email after that and never answer any of my apology emails. I thought he would never want to talk to me again...but yet, Toni says he's trying to surprise me with his return!
My three friends looked at my face with cautious eyes, gaging my reaction to this news. A smile crossed my face and they all seemed relieved. I had a bit of a temper and according to Kath it was scary when I got like that, so of course they were relieved that I was smiling. “When is my 'surprise'?” I asked, putting air quotes around the word surprise. Toni scowled at me but answer anyway “Monday, after school.” I clapped excitedly. He was going to be by my side in a mere two days!
I can picture his face now; perfect. Long, luxurious, brown hair, deep blue eyes, full luscious lips. Last time I saw him, which was two years ago, he stood at five feet eight inches. I wonder if he's grown any? The only way to find out is to see him! A smile was on my face throughout the rest of our chilled out conversation. I didn't bother with the endless questions I had in mind. I couldn't and wouldn't dare bug Toni. He was in love with Spencer. But he had no clue that I knew that. If he did know, he hid it well. They only reason I knew was because Spencer let me read a letter Toni had written him. The number of 'I love you's was... a lot. He had listed reason why and explained that he knew that Spencer was straight but he still had to get it off his chest. It was sweet.
I shook off the memories and said farewell to my friends, promising Toni I would see him later. I, once again, had to move all the equipment back. I really should make them do this next time. By the time I had finished that it was four thirty on the dot. I sighed and headed indoors. It wasn't until I smelled food that I realized that I was famished. “Hungry? We're having your favorite: barbecued chicken.” My mother's voice said. I just nodded and went to set the table. Place mats, plates, forks and knives, in that order. I was picky about the way I did some things, such as, set the table. But I don't have OCD. Weird huh? I had set an extra place for Toni, because I knew he would be starving too.
As my mom finished dinner and I waited on Toni, my mind wandered back to Spencer. And of course, I smiled. My mom was always one to question my happiness, so I quickly hid my grim before she could see me. Why? Because then I would have to tell her why I was smiling to begin with. And that would not go smoothly at all. Why? Because, she hates Spencer. She calls him and his father (whom she has never met), 'rich, snotty, bastards'. But she tolerated him for my sake, even though she can't stand the thought of me and him having a romantic relationship.
I grimaced now, hating that I had to hide things from my mother. But what must be done, must be done. “Why so glum, chum?” She asked as she put the food on the table. “Oh nothing, just waiting on Toni to get here.” I replied quickly. It was a half truth, so it didn't bother me too much that I had to say it. No sooner were those words out of my mouth, my front door opened. “Just in time for dinner!” My mom said, smiling at him. We sat down at the round table, Toni being the first to grab his chicken leg. My mom and I followed suit.
Conversation at the dinner table was not as lively as usual. There were reasons for that. Reason One: Mom was still upset because of the whole issue with my father. Reason Two: Toni and I only wanted to talk about Spencer. Reason Three: I was shoveling food in my mouth so quickly that I didn't, well, couldn't , say anything. Mom was looking at me curious the whole time, as if she knew I was trying not to speak a word.
Toni and I did the dishes afterward, talking in hushed tones while Mom sat on the the couch in the living room, watching TV. I was washing in a furry of soap and water while Toni dried just as quickly. We finished, leave the dishes to be put away like Mom said she would do, and hurried to my blue and white bedroom. I almost slammed the door in my haste. “Ok, so spill your guts!” I demanded, he knew what I meant. “Ok, so I was in Columbia, at Wal-mart and he ran into me. I mean physically ran into me, and we both freaked out. He told me he's been back for almost a week, asked how I was and then...” he paused. Being Toni, he was adding suspense. I just glared at him. “He asked about you. I was kind of shocked. I thought he would still be mad about the you not being there to say good bye thing, but no. I told him you were inf and he told me he was going to surprise you on Monday after school. He'll be out by your car. Or at least, that's what he told me.”
He finished his story and I felt a wash of relief that Spencer was over the whole good bye thing. Even though it had been apparent before hand, it was nice to hear it. I smiled at Toni and he smiled back. He was probably more excited to see Spencer than I was. He did, after all, still love him, right?
That question stuck with me. I wanted to ask, but Toni had no clue that I was aware that he loved Spencer to begin with. So, I chose to hold my tongue. Standing up, I went to the stereo and flipped it on. I hit the play button, and on came my favorite band, Fall Out Boy. “Do we have to listen to this?” Toni whiled. He liked Fall Out Boy too, but not enough to listen to it all evening. “We'll play something else after this CD is over. I promised. He just scoffed.
Hours of mindless chatter passes, never once did we bring up Spencer's name, all in fear that my mother would eaves drop in like she sometimes does. But by two o'clock we were both exhausted to an extent that we were laying in the floor, almost asleep. Conversation was now scarce. And still we chose not to talk about him, even though Mom was asleep. Then something popped into my head. “Toni.” I yawned. “Yeah?” It was silent for a moment before I chose to answer. “My dad is coming to get me at eleven tomorrow.” though my eyes were shut I knew he sat up. “What?!” Toni was freaking out , great. “Calm down.” The only reason Toni was so upset is because my dad is what you would call a homophobe, and was not fond of my friendship with Toni.
Of course, Toni still proceeded to freak out. Now Toni was a very taciturn person when around strangers, but around my father he was far from afraid to speak his mind. But for now, he said nothing to me, other than “I'll escape out the window right as he gets here.” I chuckled and fell asleep on the floor.
***
It was ten forty-five when my mom busted the door open. “Raine, your father is here.” Toni jumped up and was in the bathroom changing clothes in seconds. My mom closed the door just as Toni was exiting the bathroom. “Bye.” He said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping out the window and speeding off to his house in his big white SUV. My father then chose to also bust open without warning. “Where is he?” he asked, anger coloring his tone. “Gone.” I responded, standing up. I glanced at my father's face for a fleeting moment. He was handsome, so it was easy to see why my mother fell in love with him so quickly. His face softened, seeming to calm down. But his voice was still gruff. “Get ready.”
I went to my closet as he closed the door, pulling out my favorite Fall Out Boy tee shirt and slipped it on with a pair of denim shorts, and of course, my converse over my obnoxious rainbow socks. I traveled across my room to my vanity table and sat down, brushing my hair.
I guess you could call me pretty. I have long black hair, to my waist and pale white skin. I'm thin, almost too thin in my opinion. And short! I just hit five feet one last summer. I sighed and got up from my mirror to exit my room. I chose to leave it in shambles. I'd clean it up when I got back.
I shuffled to the kitchen to see my father leaning uncomfortably against the garage door. “Let's go.” he mumbled, his voice surly sounding. I gave my mom a peck on the cheek, left the house and got into my father's Ford F150.
The ride to out favorite restaurant was uncomfortable and silent. I didn't touch the radio dial like I wanted to. I was too worried I'd piss him off again. It was routine for us to go to a restaurant, then go to the mall, him give me a gift and then go back home and not speak to each other for another month. I sighed as we pulled into the local Olive Garden.
***
It was almost six by the time we pulled up my gravel drive way. It had gotten a lot colder since we'd left. It was almost thirty degrees out! How it gets so cold this time of year I will never know! I gave my dad a hug good bye and promised to see him again soon. I watched him drive off into the night before going inside for warmth.
I was greeted by my mother's snoring. And I tried really hard not to laugh at her. So, instead, I tip toed past the living room and toward the back of the house to my room. I opened the door only to be reminded that it was destroyed from the previous night. So, with a sigh, I went to super clean my room. I allowed my mind to wander to Spencer for about the millionth time today. I wondered mostly how tall he must be by now. Two years...they must have done him justice. Surely he couldn't be any better looking than he was before right? But how did I know? The only thing to do was wait and see.
I smiled at the thought. Tomorrow I would see Spencer again! I wouldn't have ever dreamed of this a week ago. Which is why it's so hard to believe. Honestly, I have no clue what I'm going to do tomorrow. I sighed, finishing my room. Then slipped out of today's clothes and into my pjs. My bed never felt more comfortable to me.
I fell asleep happy. My dreams revolving only around Spencer Chapmen.
